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FEAR cannot motivate but a 69-year-old man in drag on a bicycle can...

Fear can drive people to do some crazy things. Those are often terrible things that people regret.

Fear can also prevent people from doing some crazy things. Most of those crazy things are the very essence of greatness.

Recognizing that fear is having the effect on you and your actions that you DON'T want is so important. When you recognize it, you can change it.

It's often hard to know when fear stops being a natural barrier that your psyche creates to protect you and and begins being an unnatural barrier to the things you really want for your life. Sometimes it helps to have a good friend or partner who can help you recognize the difference. Sometimes it helps to have someone impartial to help review these ideas and decide.

For me, it was a 69-year-old man in drag on a bicycle that led to me knowing it was time for me to ride again.

This past Saturday, I helped to organize the Girls Gone Riding All-women's Bike Ride in Gilbert. It was the third year in a row. I haven't ridden except for a shaky spin around the block on my hybrid since I was struck by a tractor trailer in August while riding in an organized bike ride in Ventura, CA. There were months of surgeries and therapy. There were weeks and weeks of painkillers that blotted out many of my memories. There were periods of depression and grief over having lost the activity that really fueled my social and physical life. I have been blessed in the new year to really experience much healing, both physically and emotionally. I still felt a little lost, now and then, although I remained committed to the cycling community and to helping women feel more comfortable on a bike. But having had two difficult experiences trying to ride a bike again, I was avoiding getting back on like the plague despite success on a stationary bike or on a wind trainer in my family room.

Two friends, John Hernandez and Charlie Gerhardt, decided to surprise me at the ride by showing up on their bikes in drag. They had done this once before at an all-women's bike ride in Scottsdale. The results both times were hilarious. The two of them rode the entire route dressed up and with full make-up and wigs. They added so much to the ride and to the riders--both helping to bring in some of the cyclists struggling in the 25-30 mph winds.

Besides the levity and encouragement they provided to the ride, something else struck me. I remembered as I watched John make his way in after 60 long miles in terrible wind, that he had been off of the bike for at least 18 months or more after a terrible motorcycle accident three years ago. His leg was terribly damaged and he nearly lost it. It was many surgeries, infections and therapies that led to his restoration. Like me, he took to his wind trainer and it was so inspiring to see him finally show up on a road bike for a Sunday morning ride. Watching this 69-year-old, good-natured man enjoy his day, making others smile and completing 60 miles really affected me. Something afterwards reached deep within me and reminded me of the power and strength I had within me. I decided at that moment, that before the end of this week, I was going to get back on a bike and really ride.

And, today, I did just that.

I thought I would ride my hybrid first but after not feeling natural on it. I got out my old road bike and pumped it up like I had hundreds of times before. I decided to head straight for the road since that was the fear I often battled. So, I headed around my neighborhood first and found my way up to my normal meetup point--a place I always meet Peggy to ride in the mornings. It felt completely normal and with that, came the normal wind often experienced in February. I was preparing myself for cars and trucks although the neighborhood was quiet. When the cars began coming, I was ready for them. I ended up on a busy road near my home to test my nerves. It was a little unnerving at first but I focused on keeping steady and staying well into the bike lane.

To get a few more miles in, I wound my way throughout the neighborhood, ending up with about 12 miles. The feeling of overcoming was so strong. I thought of so many things, so many people, so many moments. Most of all, I realized I was where I was supposed to be. I can hardly wait for my next ride.

Which body part must one train to be a successful cyclist?

Some will say the core muscles are the most important to work to be a strong rider. Others will say, the calves, the thighs, the glutes...

Surprise! None of these.

The most important body part to be trained for cycling is: The BRAIN.

I know this to be true from my very beginning into the endeavor of cycling.

Prior to any group ride, I had a series of questions that I required be answered before I would even consider setting my alarm. How far is this ride? How many hills are there? How steep are they? What would you compare them to? How many hours will it take us to do this route? What will happen if I can't do it? Is there a SAG? Can someone help me change my tire if I get a flat? How many people are riding in this group? Is anyone going who rides at my pace (slow!)? What if I get lost? What if I am dropped?

I never saw myself as a worrywart but I was terrified I would experience one or, worse, ALL of the very worst answers to these questions. What's worse, I continued to ask these questions while ON the ride too.

I was only riding a few weeks when the ride leader, an incredibly patient man who is full of the HOLY CYCLING SPIRIT once told me: "Riding is 90 percent in your mind and 10 percent skill." I didn't believe him. He didn't know me. He didn't know what a completely inept example of an athlete I was. He didn't know I was never much of a physical person. He didn't know...

But he did know. Because as I continued to ride and pushed through the swirling fear, overbearing unknowns and the rolling eyeballs of seasoned cyclists on the group rides to grow stronger, I found he was not only right, he possessed an uncanny ability to not answer the questions but to squelch them. He refused to humor me with the answers because they would only be followed by more questions and more questions. When it came down to it, he had enough belief and faith in not only me, but every single person who showed up on a bike. And, what's more, it didn't matter what kind of bike or bike apparel or bike gear, he treated everyone the same.

With each mile, with each ride, my mind became trained. I trusted my body to get me where I allowed my mind to wander, and amazingly, I got there. I became limited only by where my mind would go. As my brain expanded to believe that I could ride 50 miles, I rode 50 miles. As I trained it to think it could ride 75 miles, then 100 miles, I rode it.

Today, as I contemplate the return to the road, I remember my retraining begins with my brain. I must continue to get on my trainer and the spin bikes at the gym to prepare my body for the miles. But like before, I can't discount that I have to train my brain. I am only limited by what my mind can believe. I will believe that I can get back on a road bike and ride for miles and miles. I will train my thoughts around seeing myself on a shiny new road bike zooming down the south side of Usery Pass. I will practice thinking and seeing and smelling and pedalling and....forgetting,

Until I have retrained.

Let the RETRAINING begin.




When the fight begins within himself, a man's worth something. - Robert Browning